The volatile feeling of wanting so badly
For something that will come in its own time.
In my daydreams, I imagine its arrival.
These dreams soothe my addiction for a finite outcome,
The methadone response for damaging uncertainty.
How tempting to find the world flat with finite edges!
To know there is a final place to go, that the journey can be
about the ending and not the in-between.
To be a fish finding a new home, finally thriving without water.
These dreams are an illusion set forth for staying the journey.
A boozy fog that leaves only half-formed memories,
I drink in the daydreams to quiet my anxieties and then
Wake up in the oppressive hangover of reality.
Weakened, I submit again…
…I cannot wait to feel real.